Ariana's Blog Post

Inspired by a real person once incarcerated at Eastern State Penitentiary: 

Jacob Pensendorfer - committed homicide. 

“Please just call me Jacob.”

The guard rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Just get back to work 1381.”

He wasn’t working on anything particularly spectacular, only a chair, but the problem, the insanity was eating away at him. He had heard others say his name, he had heard her say his name, so he repeated it, over and over, and over, and over.

My name is Jacob.

My name is Jacob.

My name is Jacob. 

He could hear the judge saying his name “Jacob Pensendorfer is found guilty for the murder of a Liam Ninseky, his sentence, life in prison.”

He didn’t like the way the judge said his name. He was so rude; judgemental.

His mother crying his name didn’t make him feel any better either. In his head, she cried his name, desperate for him to come back to her. For him to stay in her arms as the child she loved. 

He yearned for the way she said his name. Her. His girl. His Maria. She was betrayed and hurt when he last went to see her. When she last called his name, it was in anger and betrayal, instead of the love he had craved. 

His number. B-1381. The warden grunted his number. The guards yelled his number. No one knew his name anymore. 

My name is Jacob.

My name is Jacob.

My name is Jacob.

He had been working. Working with a co-worker. A disrespectful young co-worker. He always had something to say about someone else. Everyone here was hardworking. We are all on the same page, except for him. He was only a teenager, and the worst breed of them. He was one of the ones who had no respect. The co-worker walked with arrogance. That had to stop. Th co-worker spat his name with disgust. He thought he was better than everyone. No, that was going to change. 

He followed Liam Ninskey into the back hallway on the way out. His friend said goodbye to him. He liked his friend. His friend said his name with a kind familiarity. He had met his friend’s family. They like him too. His friend had kindness and compassion. His friend was nice. He would do this for his friend. And everyone else he liked. Everyone else who showed kindness.

He followed the co-worker into a back hallway. A shovel dragged against the wall. The co-worker was starting to get afraid. Starting to get nervous. He walked faster. Broke into a trot, then a run. The boy started saying his name fearfully, terrified even. 

My name is Jacob.

My name is Jacob. 

My name is Jacob.

The boy never reached the end of the hallway. Jacob killed him. He was found in less than a day. Liam's family mourned while Jacob’s waited. Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. And now we’re back at the beginning. The judge sentenced him to life in prison. His mother cried. His girl left. He went to prison and rotted. His mind fell out of sorts. He barely knew what his name was any more. So at twenty four years, he was let go. He lived on under the care of a psych ward. 

My name is Jacob. 

My name is Jacob. 

My name is....