By: Oliver Griffin
A thoughtless body, cemented to the ground
I
can't speak for in my words I drown
I
can't feel my heart give an everlasting POUND
for I,
I am not really I
I am not really I
If I were I then
I
would have a purpose.
My soul, my expression, my emotion is lost
he
took it away, down a gully to be forever gone, no cost
he
let me beat myself down, to burn,
where did I take a wrong turn
I'm at the point where I've lost care and concern
at the point of no return
STOP.
My heart beats.
And then it doesn't.
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The imagery in this poem is excellent! It reminds me of something Poe would write. I wonder - what was your inspiration?
ReplyDeleteYou make great use of spacing and placement, especially when combined with your repetition of "I."
ReplyDeleteAfter reading you poem I feel sad. Your words tell a very sad story of something that has no hope. We all need hope in our lives. Beautiful writing.
ReplyDeleteA very beautiful and solemn poem; the rhyming and spacing of "I" and "he" throughout most of the poem create a somber, forceful rhythm to the piece. The impact of the last two lines is profound. Excellent rhyming as well; I think the emotions and message conveyed in this poem is something many people can relate to.
ReplyDeleteA thoughtful poem.. I would love for you to continue to write more... an example of how you turned this writing from a negative to a positive... the narrative turning point of I!
ReplyDeleteThe use of rhyme and rhythm crates not only a visually beautiful poem, but a poem also fun to read.
ReplyDelete