DREAM - Clair Cardea
walk down the corridor...
run your hand along the granite wall.
admire the flickering lights attracting insects.
your footsteps echo throughout the empty hallway.
you notice the hall getting longer and longer.
suddenly, a bright light blinds you.
your eyes squeeze shut.
you open them again, batting your eyelids.
you've come upon a field of millions of daisies.
you step back
being greeted by a cliffs edge.
you fall for an eternity.
another bright light shines onto your face.
you rub your eyes and open them.
sunlight illuminates through your silky curtains.
you look around, no daisies, no corridor--
but realize it was nothing but a dream.
Lovely poem! Interesting discourse on the inconsistency of dreams, of the seemingly benign falling only upon calamity... and I like the repetition with the opening of eyes at first unto dream, and then unto wakefulness.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that this entire piece is written in second person contributes so much to the eerie and dreamlike atmosphere. The lines that are written like orders make the tone a little ominous ("walk down the corridor/run your hand along the granite wall"), which only makes it more interesting when you surprise the reader with the soothing image of millions of daisies.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line is "your eyes squeeze shut." It does such a good job of communicating how your body can act involuntarily, as if defending itself. It would've felt very different is you'd said "you squeeze your eyes shut" because that implies some kind of thought/control.
I love this poem! The slurred visuals and scattered details can really represent how I remember my dreams. I really like the line that says "you rub your eyes and open them" and how you come back to reality.
ReplyDelete-Erin
The sensory aspects to this piece, like running a hand along the granite wall, and reflexively squeezing one's eyes shut, seemed especially powerful. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI like the kaleidoscopic visions of this dream; dark hallways, endless field of flowers, an imposing cliff edge are all places we can relate to but are also kind of abstract. It may be one person's dream but in a way it is all of ours.
ReplyDeleteLuke's comment ^^
DeleteHi Claire;
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed your powers of description in your Poem. I love the line which reads" you notice the hall getting longer and longer"and the line that reads "and you fall for an eternity." I found those to be powerful ways to describe a Dream sequence. Please keep writing!
You capture the state of being in a dream. It is very real to the reader. The hand on the granite wall made my hand feel cold. I enjoyed reading your poem.
ReplyDelete