Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Sanae's Blog Post




                                                       The Spirits Among Us 
      Sanae Young
           All homes are not as they appear. The air was crisp and thick like freshly made fudge. As we rode through our new neighborhood in Boston Massachusetts, with wide eyes and open minds the house came into view. Approaching the house, I soon realized that there will be lots of new memories made in the years to come. And then I saw it!

        I practically leapt out of the car and bolted to my brand-new front door and through my back door to my new yard. I stopped dead in my tracks, the air went from crisp and cool to foggy, thick and sad. I could almost hear the trees gasping for water. Gazing around the yard, my eye falls on a broken down, ragged pink and white child’s bike. I turn to ask my parents about the bike, it is obvious that they are on the phone and unpacking with no thought to where I am, or what I am doing. Once again, they don’t see me as if I am a ghost in their lives.

      As my head lifted, there was a rickety, thorny brownish wood fence at the back of the yard. I was drawn toward the fence, and as I drew my hand along the top of it splinters slipped into the palm of my hand feeling like my hand was paralyzed. When the fog cleared suddenly there was an old bald man wearing a ripped green flannel shirt and torn maroon pants with a dirty face walking toward me. He moans and whispers his concern through a plethora of questions about where Jamie has gone. I explained that there is no Jamie living here, my name is Katherine.

       The old man cried out, “ the house has bad spirits you need to leave the home immediately”. I relayed to the gray man that there are no bad spirits in this house as I became apprehensive of what the man was going to do or say next. Suddenly, the old bald broken human that was once standing in front of me was floating in the air completely iridescent. I could not believe my eyes, I was in utter disbelief.      

       Then I awoke from my slumber out of breath jumping out of my covers. Just as my eyes focused I realized that I was in the comfort of my bed. I slowly stepped out of my bed and looked around my room. Everything looks normal but I decide to walk down stairs just to make sure. While I walk down the freshly painted steps I see my mom packing boxes. Baffled, I quickly gazed over the downstairs of my house waiting for an explanation. Abruptly I stop. All I see is the glimpse of a pink and white child’s bike. All homes are not as they appear.

4 comments:

  1. I'm hearing/reading this for the second time and the impact is still there. This is a really good piece! You do well to create the unsuspecting tone in the beginning, and your buildup to that cool plot twist was smoothly done. Great job!

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  2. I love the mood of this story, it makes me excited for Halloween and fall. My favorite line is probably “I could almost hear the trees gasping for water” because it’s so evocative—so haunting! Although I also love the line “The air was crisp and thick like freshly made fudge.” It’s so original and vivid, I felt like I was there. Your descriptions are great.

    It’s so interesting that the character describes herself as a ghost in her parents’ lives. Is she actually a ghost? The old man (probably a ghost himself) seems to confuse her for one. So intriguing!

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  3. This is a really nice story! Maybe an opening to a longer work? But either way this piece works greatly; I love how the main story was just a dream, but ends with a twist, a connection to the dream world. You have a great knack for descriptive writing, I like the sentence " rickety, thorny brownish wood fence" I could really visualize the scene. I like how you pile the adjectives on in your descriptions like "Old bald broken human" its really evocative! Good job.

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  4. Hi Sanae;
    I very much like the use of the sentence in both the beginning and the end that:"All homes are not as they appear", I was drawn to the line which reads:"Once again they don`t see me,that was a as if I don`t exist", this makes me want to know more about the relationship between the main character and the parents. In writing this story not only did you surprise the reader by indicating that it was all a dream but , you provided a cliffhanger with the presence of the child`s bike. Please keep writing!

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