Faces plumb with grief. Struggling to restrain the turmoil inside. Bowed heads hiding shameless tears of loss. Broken faces. Bruised inside. Mourning.
The faces of those who felt empty, knowing the one they loved so dearly would now only exist in their memories and inside the silver casket before them.
Funerals.
Anthea had always hated funerals. Ever since she was young, she had been to a plethora of somber funerals for those she once knew. First, for her great grandfather, when she was at the ripe age of 6, mostly confused, surrounded by the mourning. She had barely even knew him.
When she was 11, she attended funerals for her father and mother.
The concept of death was still new to her, it’s shocking permanence.
Her hazel eyes were wet with tears, her hand grasping her older brother’s like it were a lifeboat.
But now, she didn’t know what to feel.
Sitting defeatedly at the pew looking around to see the handful of faces spread across. One...two...three...four people. Four people altogether in the lines of seats.
Their faces were the same as hers. Confused. Indifferent. Numb. Her aunt, her brother and his girlfriend.
Four people.
A bit disappointing.
Especially when you were presumably the one in the casket.
The short, quick sentences at the beginning do a good job of communicating the sense of numbness. What I find intriguing about this piece is that it focuses on Anthea but it’s bigger than her. It could’ve started by just telling us about Anthea’s feelings, but instead the passage prioritizes the feelings of the group as a whole. There’s a sense of isolation but the passage also hints that they are united in their pain.
ReplyDeleteAwesome twist! You set the scene wonderfully; it feels so melancholy and sad. I like the way you string sentence fragments together to create almost a "stream-of-consciousness." It's a really effective way to unlock the mind of the narrator and create a unique connection with the story. I like how the story positions death as a kind of necessity that Anthea is all too familiar with, to the point where she seems almost indifferent at her own funeral.
ReplyDeleteHi Claudia;
ReplyDeleteI think that you did an excellent job of building your story and in the process you captured the somber experience of attending a funeral. I was intrigued by your description towards the beginning of your piece :"Broken faces"" Bruises inside" "mourning" After drawing us into your story you gave us a surprise by giving your readers the perspective of the corpse. Powerful piece.
The fragmentation in the beginning is particularly effective at creating that sense of numbness. And, wow, I didn't see that twist coming at the end. Thank you for sharing this!
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