Unlocked
In Springdale, MI, privacy wasn’t too much of a custom. Not at least after we got our new mayor. The new Mayor Locklin made it so that we had to share our business with other people. He thinks that he’s doing good for doing it but he’s not. The new law that he established was the law of entry. The law of entry is when basically anyone can go into anyone’s things and even houses. He says that our area is too safe for locked door on houses, like we live the U.S., not Dubai. Today I in class, I was sitting next to this kid that I’m not very fond of. Said kid was trying to pick a fight with me, I did not wish to do such thing, I did try to say something that would make him stop. But no he decides to go in my bag and get my journal. That was very embarrassing and I really stop carrying it around. But now I can’t even do anything about it because he allowed to take my stuff because of law so the teacher just sits there. The kid doesn’t feel worried about me doing anything because he knows that I don’t value the rules of Mayor Locklin, I’m better than that. I would say that most people in Springdale agree with me, mostly it’s just the criminals and bullies that act on this law. Locklin and group of people think that this law will show the other county’s how much more safer we are by basically making room for more illegal activity to take place.
This has such a cool dystopian feel! It’s ironic that the mayor's name contains the word “lock” because he’s trying to unlock everyone’s information, but it still communicates a sense of strength and refusal to budge. I notice that the story goes from past tense to present when it gets to the line, “he decides to go in my bag.” It’s a really effective strategy for pulling the reader into the scene and conveying a new sense of urgency.
ReplyDeleteHi Jamie;
ReplyDeleteI found your story to be very engaging. You did a very good job of drawing the reader into the story.It almost reads like a science fiction thriller. I would like to ask whether you intend to continue to develop this story?
I liked the repetition of "I" and how it is used over and over again, even in conventionally incorrect ways, to create a feeling of general unease for me, like the manipulation of grammar rules made me feel uncomfortable in the same way these strange laws allow for invasion of privacy.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the other commenters in that this definitely has a dystopian vibe, and it reads like the beginning of a larger speculative fiction story, like Margaret Atwood's works. Speculative fiction is one of my favorite genres...nice work!
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