This is what you would call “based on a true story.” I had just gotten off work at Burger King, my summer job. My friends Ayden and Levi got off at the same time and since it was a fairly nice day, we wanted to enjoy the uncommon weather. As we wondered how to enjoy it, I suddenly realized that we should play some basketball at a local park. We all thought it was a great idea and we headed to the courts. When we got there, we realized that because we worked the early shift, most people were still asleep when we got off, so we decided to play amongst ourselves instead. It was a close game, but Levi won by a mere two points. The day was still young when the game ended so, we decided to walk to another court, and hope people would be there. Fortunately for us, there was a group of teenagers present playing basketball. They didn’t seem to be very good players, so we thought it would be an easy game to win. THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY NOT THE CASE! We got our butts literally handed to us because we took the game too lightly. The opposing team decided to “retire” after beating us, so they could hold onto their 1-0 against us. We ended up leaving on a loss, but we surely didn’t let it get to us. We decided from now on, we would be on a “revenge tour” and would win all our next games. There is NO way we will lose next time… right?
The level of detail you include is impressive, and it makes me feel like I can really follow your whole day. I also appreciate how you incorporated humor throughout and how you ended with a question (which also make me laugh!).
ReplyDeleteI love how you end on a cliffhanger! This was such a fun snapshot of a summer day. I enjoyed how you highlight an emotional journey: going from having a lot of confidence to being humbled to becoming determined to recover. A classic tale.
ReplyDeleteThe part in all caps about losing the game made me laugh, and I love the wording when you say, “we got our butts literally handed to us” because it’s the way people really talk. It contributes to making the passage feel authentic.
You learned one of life's lesson. Remember that things are not always the way they appear. You still might have lost the game, but you would have tried harder to win. Your writing put me right on the basketball court with you. I am looking forward to our next adventure.
ReplyDeleteHi Trevon;
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed the manner in which you told the story and I especially enjoyed the hook, where you state that :"They didn`t seem like very good players". In telling the story you were able to impart a valuable life lesson as well as describe a fun activity on a beautiful day. Greet Job!
I guess you can't judge a book by it's cover, this is a nice example of that classic life lesson. You filled the piece of writing with a lot of energy and kind of reminds the reader (in my case anway) about carefree summer days.
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