A story inspired by Edgar Allan Poe
The sand squashed beneath my feet as I strode along the surface of the beach. The night was dark, and only a small patch of moonlit ground led me to the ocean. Step, step, step. As I grew closer to the violent waves of the sea, droplets of water splashed against my face, cold and hard, leaving a briny scent in the air nearest to me. The tips of my toes felt the ocean waves, and I questioned myself in that moment. Why was I doing this, subjecting myself to the unforgiving sea? I needed to see him once more. I stripped all sense of fear out of my mind, this is what I needed to do, and plunged myself into the black grasp of the water. I swam. Splashing and struggling, but I swam as far as I could until the sea took me. I open my eyes, and there he is. Chained to the ocean floor, my lover. His skin is now pale, lips blue. Purple veins went up his neck and encircled his face. He struggled. I reach for his hand, and it is cold, but familiar. There’s a burning in my lungs, but I cannot help myself. My brain is screaming for me to return to the water’s surface, but my heart tells me I belong with him. The water takes over, filling my nose, filling my whole body, and I squeeze his hand once more. Before the last patch of light leaves my vision, I feel him squeeze back, as he always did.
Haley,
ReplyDeleteSuch a powerful piece! Just like "Annabel Lee," the message I get is that the love between these two people is so strong that not even death can overcome it.
So eerie! It’s interesting how the narration switches from past tense to present tense as soon as the character reaches her lover. Ironically, it gives the sense that she comes alive when she’s with him, as if she’s more present and everything feels more real for her. It helps me understand why she would do something so drastic to be with him.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of sensory language throughout this piece! I love the way the action really builds until the narrator is finally overtaken by the sea. And that sort-of "twist" ending ("I feel him squeeze back, as he always did") is really outstanding! As Ranger Paul says, it describes a love that not even death can overcome.
ReplyDeleteAmazing story! It felt like something Poe himself would have loved to read. Like others have said before, the way love is described and the story leading up till the end are both things that make the story an excellent read and gets the reader asking for more.
ReplyDeleteMore, of course I want more. How did the lover end up at the bottom of the ocean chained? I could feel the sand under her feet. The water upon her body as she enters the ocean. You are great at painting pictures with words.
ReplyDeleteI like your use of first-person narration. It helps the reader crawl right inside the story!
ReplyDeleteHi Haley;
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed your short story and I concur with others who mentioned about how your ability to describe the scene immediately draws the reader into the story. I hope that you will expound on this story, you have me in suspense.
WOW! such powerful writing. I love this piece. Please keep writing, the world could benefit from you!
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