Jake ran for his life. He passed the warehouses in seconds.
"Get back here, Jake!" came an angry voice behind him. "You're not getting away without paying us back!"
"I told you, John! I don't have the money! I'm sorry!" Jake said, tears welling up in his eyes.
"Here's a compromise, you pay 15% interest a day, or you pay with your life! Someone else needs that money more than you do!"
'I never should have borrowed money from these guys. If only I had listened and stopped gambling before Sharon left me,' thought Jake. Jake passed the cars, climbed over the fence, and continued to run. He was wheezing now. He could hear John's footsteps behind him, then the shaking of the metal fence, his feet dropping down, and then the footsteps again. Jake took a glance behind him to see John was catching up. As Jake rushed into the city ahead of him, he was hit by a car.
"Hey! Get outta the... Oh my goodness, are you okay? I'm so sorry!" said the driver. As John got closer, he stopped and then turned the other way.
'Really? I can't get the money out of him while someone is watching. I really need that money to help Sam.'
Jake woke up to bright lights above him. He looked around and saw he was lying in a hospital bed. His father, Dave, was sitting next to him, asleep, but seemed to be waking up. It was dark outside and the moon was out. Jake started to feel the pain of the crash in his side.
"Jake! You're awake!" cried Dave, hugging Jake.
"Ow, ow!"
"Sorry, sorry! How are you feeling? Do you remember who I am? How many fingers am I holding up?" said Dave, backing away, and then holding up 4 fingers with his ring finger down.
"Yes, Dad, I know who you are. What happened?"
"You were hit by a car and the driver called the ambulance. Then the hospital called me. You had to get stitches. It's been about 8 hours since then. The driver said it looked like you were running away from something. What were they talking about?"
"Um... uh..."
"You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Right." said Jake, hesitantly. "So... you remember what Sharon said before left, right?"
"Yes."
"Well... I didn't stop gambling, so I ran out of money, and I was about to be evicted, but then I found these guys who said they would give me five thousand as long as I paid it back within the month and paid 5% extra. They also made me sign some kind of organ donation card."
"And you didn't pay it back."
"Not only was I not able to pay it back, but, like an idiot, I gambled most of it away. They dragged me down to the warehouses wanting their money but I didn't have it. And now they're out to get me."
"Mhm. So you didn't learn your lesson when Sharon left, and you didn't learn your lesson when you were almost evicted. There better not be a third time."
"I'm sorry. I've learned my lesson."
"Don't apologize to me, apologize to yourself. But I'm glad you learned your lesson. Anyway, you should have asked me for help."
"You're right. I'm sorry, it just never crossed my mind."
"Again, you don't need to say sorry to me. Anyway, I'll let the doctors know you've woken up."
"Okay." Dave left the room. A few minutes later, John came in wearing scrubs.
"So, how are we gonna do this?" said John. Jake was stunned.
"H-how did you get in here?"
"Don't you see? I disguised myself. Personally, I think I look really good in this. Anyway, that doesn't matter right now. Do you want to pay now or--" A doctor walked in.
"Excuse me but who a--" the doctor was knocked out in one punch by John before he could finish his sentence.
"...be beaten to death?" said John, finishing his sentence.
"Uh! I! I don't have the money! And I can't get it right now! Please don't hurt me!" cried Jake shaking in fear... in the hospital bed.
"Well... That's just too bad." John said, raising his fist.
John then froze and fell to the floor. Behind him was a police officer holding a taser.
"You are under arrest for blah blah blah..." the police officer said while putting handcuffs on John.
"Jake! Are you okay?" Dave said, rushing to him from behind the police officer.
"Wait... What... HUH?!" exclaimed Jake.
"Listen, when I left the room, some suspicious looking guy passed me so I called the police just in case. Thankfully, I was right." said Dave.
"Uh... okay. That explains almost everything. I just have one question for John."
"Well why don't you ask him yourself?"
"Oh." said Jake, feeling dumb. The police officer picked up John and as John was being walked out, Jake said: "Wait! John! Why were you so desperate to get the money?" John stood still for a second.
"My friend needs a heart transplant in the next few months or else they'll die. But we didn't have enough money. He doesn't know me and my friends are doing this. If he did, he'd tell us to stop." John was then walked out of the room.
When Jake was released from the hospital, he stopped gambling and encouraged his family and friends to raise enough money to help Sam. They raised enough and the transplant was successful.
This tale of morality is a wonderful example of how much can be accomplished through dialogue. Your characters' voices are so clear, and the fast-paced dialogue makes the story move along at a swift pace. Keep writing!
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