I was riding a train that had three floors. The train seemed a bit sketchy, but It was the cheapest one I could afford. I had to use the bathroom. The first and second floors were old and unclean, but the third floor was a bit better. The bathroom was empty, although all the doors were somewhat hard to open. But the third one opened, to my surprise. It was at that moment I realized I had messed up. A hand covered with blood reached out of the stall.
What a cliffhanger! I want to know the rest of the story! I like how you started off with very mundane details that eased me into a sense of security--and then surprised me with a horrifying image.
ReplyDeleteI could almost hear this as if you were describing a nightmare. I hope you'll continue the story!
ReplyDeleteThe suspense is killing me! I hope we can learn what was in the toilet stall. I really like it so far!!
ReplyDelete-Emma
DeleteLauren;
DeleteI really liked how you immediately hooked the reader with the description of the train as a rather " sketchy place" , and how you describe the difficulty of trying to open he restroom doors and after finally succeeding you make that horrible discovery, you made me jump.